nothing's ever clear. nothing's ever what you thought it would be, what you expected. it's wrong, not what you wished for, it's twisted... but if you're lucky.. it's just right, it's more than you could imagine, it's beautiful.
for me life is like walking in the dark. but to be completely honest, this has nothing to do with me. i plan everything everyday.. im learning something, though.. it's that something has found a way to pervade my plans, my passions, my affections, my thoughts.. something has given me reason to be obsessed, to be in love, and to live.. . . He, Christ Jesus, is walking with me everyday. He's leading me by my hand in darkness i have created. i would have never planned it this way, but now it is unmistakably outside of myself a reason to give him glory for a story I could have never written.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

i'm learning to believe better things..

what's beautiful about the Lord to me is that no matter how close you are to Him, no matter how far you've come, he's going to take you deeper. Who He is could be pondered for days, and it's more than just thinking about his attributes. .. it's the fact that everyone of his qualities has the power to so change every aspect of your life.. the more you know the Lord the more you are changed in his presence.. 

this summer He has recaptured some lost parts of my heart...
" i am learning to believe better things. I am learning to believe that other people exist, that fashion is not truth, rather Jesus is the most important figure in history and the gospel is the most powerful force in the universe. I am learning not to be passionate about empty things, but to cultivate passion for justice, grace, truth, and communicate the idea that Jesus likes people, even loves them. " - - { Blue Like Jazz, Donald Miller}

wow, for real i totally took a step back after reading this book. I was like have i seriously missed the whole purpose of being a christian.. and more importantly the purpose of Christ.. do i believe that he was real? that he walked this earth? that he is familiar with my suffering? and further do i believe that he died and in dying I can now lay my sin on him? that because he was perfect he satisfied the living, holy God so that I am free from punishment? ... wait... i say this and it all sounds too good to be true.. like think about that's huge... a perfect God can look on me now and say "daughter".. look at me and say forgiven for everything that i've done that's not holy or beautiful, but actually disgusting and wrong in every sense.. and all of this i have claimed to believe since i have become a christian.. and yes i know it's true.. God has been so faithful to me.. but i realized it's more than believing... it's living like all this stuff really makes a difference to me.. and it does. It changes everything.

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