this is helen. she was my favorite girl that i was with in new york city. all week we had been talking to them about how there's hope in the lord because one day we'll be with him in heaven. on the last day we were saying our sad goodbyes and she said don't worry i know i am going to see you again. i asked her where? she said first in college at alabama and then in heaven forever. haha i'm so glad that she got the point that alabama is the ONLY college in america.. jk but it was cute.. but what i love more is her hope for eternity. i learned so much from this girl all week. she taught me that there's so much beyond this physical world ... why waste time worrying about our life here. it's like my heart knows that everything here is fleeting, but i put so much into the here and now that i become so consumed with myself. and now that i'm at college i feel the temptation more than ever to be constantly looking out for myself.. helen reminds me today that there's so many people out there and god's plan does leave room for me to be concerned with me and the false confidence in what other's think about me.
" you said all you feel for me is
undying love..
then showed me through the cross "
~ Hillsong
that concept of what god thinks towards me is something my mind wrestles with all the time. at frontier someone told me that the most important thing about you is what god thinks about you. this has become so true in my life because i realize how you live your life depends on how you think god views you. god gives confidence and freedom when you realize he looks at you as beautiful, not just beautiful, but perfect because when he sees me he sees his son. it's hard for me to imagine that his love towards me does not change through my stages. that in no way is it conditional. this very thought that a perfect god is "hopelessly drunk with love" for a broken people is so backwards that i think it can be something that keeps people from really accepting christ. i say that, because it has blocked me. how do i accept a love i've never seen? and that's what i love about the gospel.. it's that everything i've known-- bondage in my life-- is broken with the truth that christ's blood was a substitute for mine. and that block i had with christ's love was removed when i began to realize that the gospel is something not found in this world. i had to accept that to believe in who christ said he was i have to go against the way i percieved myself. it's hard to look at myself as pure and holy in his sight when i know my thoughts and i know how far away i am from him. and to think that a holy god would chase after me to the ends of the earth, that's so far from the way i see myself. he says all he feels towards us is undying love... not disappointment, or anger, or regret.... and he wants us to see this for ourselves and live in the freedom of knowing that our acceptance does not rest on our shoulders but on his goodness. so from this i've come to know that there's not a single good thing in me except jesus.. and that's enough.. more than enough actually
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